Al Salam alykom
I discover new things about myself every once in a while. Mainly things that I thought I was but found out that I wasn’t. For example I always thought that I can not be bored easily and took pride in that. People ask me don’t you ever get bored and I would say "No, I don’t". However I discovered the opposite. The only reason that I'm not bored is because of the internet. Whenever I have nothing to do I would head to the internet and it's hard to get bored on the internet. Every time my internet connection goes down it is the most boring and frustrating time in the world. Especially when I do not plan for the occasion. The seconds are minutes and minutes are hours. All of a sudden you find me planning activities, getting in touch with friends and fixing stuff around the house that do not need to be fixed. I discovered that I'm easily bored.
People try to irritate me and fail miserably. Or try to enrage my anger and also fail miserably. I seem to them and to myself calm and collective. I even get praised or receive complement such as "wise". Yet I confuse myself. I get angered by the silliest things sometimes mostly because I'm irritated to begin with and you only need to cut me off while I'm talking to get an evil look from me. I discovered that I'm only patient when I want to be patient and when I want people to think that I'm patient. It's like a switch. For example if I'm in a waiting room I can switch my patient switch on and I can keep waiting for ever. However if I'm promised something and that thing didn’t happen in the expected time then its better to avoid me for the rest of the day. It's because I had my patience switch on until the expected moment then I switched it off and was surprised with more waiting time. Oh well, I'm not the most patient person after all.
Oh my, I just discovered that I have an ego. Just look at how many "I"s there are in this post. Always knew that I had an ego to a degree. I had a huge one when I was in elementary school but al Hamdu lillah I toned it down a lot. I guess its resurfacing….Darn it I said "I" again. Darn it…again! Well thou guess's that thou needs English lessons. It seems that we are either positive or negative about ourselves. Being true to ones self doesn’t mean criticizing yourself into a puddle nor does it mean to over blow yourself esteem with things that are not necessarily true. Is it even possible to be true to ourselves? I don’t think so. But I think that we can get close.
4 months ago